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A Michigan mother of injustice Custody
I've never done anything like this before. I've never been in a desperate situation I'm in a bubble, soundproofed and the system can not hear me. I see, but pretend I'm not there. This is the Michigan Family Law and friend of the Court Division. It is our system, which is supposed to have with freedom, justice and freedom. I pray that you read to the end. Although this is my hell and my pain, this story must be heard. Please feel free to leave comments after the story in his blogs and various social marketing sites. It is imperative that we use our voices, otherwise this will continue happening to mothers who do not deserve. Justice must prevail, I have to get my daughter back, and biased officials in my case need to be reprimanded. This has to climb the ladder reaching policy and the steps of the Supreme Court. I can not come alone. (People and events have been changed to protect the innocent, and that any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead are merely coincidental. The names have not been used.)
I am a wife and mother of four wonderful children. We are a American white collar, middle-class family. I'm so lucky and grateful that we own a beautiful 2,500 square feet behind the fourth green golf course prestige. I was not always in that situation, most people do not. Start somewhere, and gradually improve ourselves with the combination of time, effort and experiences. I consider myself normal. I, like most of you, have experienced significant relationships. I have been injured. He failed and turned to things. I traveled a lot, I gone to college. I am a deep thinker, a reader, and I am gentle. I love nature and respect your anger. I'm not religious, but I am deeply spiritual. I am passionate to love and care for my children. I'm always looking …. search for truth, for the attention to authenticity. I am looking for the path that will ultimately "Script "…. you know, this little mark on a tombstone that is between the day you were born and the day that happens …. that's the script I'm referring to.
I would ask that the same thing? Probably. I'm grateful that we can redeem ourselves throughout our lives, to make better decisions, of course-correct, and make a difference we can be proud.
So why am I writing about the injustices of custody?
On 22 January 2009 I lost custody of my nine year old daughter, the oldest of four. Do not lose custody because of abuse or illness, or because I was not prepared to care for her. Do not lose custody due to drugs or alcohol, or due to a lack of interest and participation in social and educational needs. Do not lose custody because she could not provide clothing, food, shelter or emotional support. I lost because of an incompetent judicial system with which accountability to a higher court or an officer is unlikely. The records are so tightly sealed in the Family Court System of Michigan, the probability of warning and justice is as likely as turning the sky yellow morning.
I was under the delusion that a mother is unfit or unwilling parents could lose custody of a child. I never dreamed that a mother who was responsible, loving, stable, and will be losing his son.
I just raised my daughter and I was all alone during my pregnancy. His father and I broke up because there were some severe addiction to overcome and I would have none of it. When I told her about the pregnancy (which was immediately), denied responsibility. He started to accuse me of being promiscuous. His parents and sister were aware of their addictions for the most part (you know who used drugs, but did not know how magnitude), and they also began to propose that the baby was not his. His determination to prove that the child was not his was so far as to make phone calls obstetricians to assess the reported date of conception to maturity. Over the next few months, I began to look inside me and I had to make some decisions very adult.
He returned to Michigan with my family when I was 34 weeks' gestation. I felt it was the best he could do for myself and my son born. I would be in a safe, moral and love, to receive unconditional support. The love and support is what I needed and I was not getting in Indiana. The father of my unborn child support responsibility, and I had to admit that we would be alone. I was about to embark on "single parents", a journey I shaped the person he wanted to be, a trip that would be so treacherous at times, it would test my endurance to the core of my being. Still, I was willing to assume.
He never married his father. After my daughter was born, I re-met a man I met when I was a child and became pregnant again. I was on birth control when this happened and was devastated to be in this situation again. I married him seven months later, had not yet another child and divorced when our youngest was 2. If you have not disappointed so far, it gets worse. I was pregnant again with someone who became the love of my life, before our divorces were final. OUCH! If you are thinking that beguiled our ex-spouses, think again. That's not why our previous marriage dissolved, but in the middle of our divorce, we met and attracted to each other. I ended up marrying for the last time and the rest is history.
As for my final surprise pregnancy, in my mind then and still almost six years later, and I think the right to take responsible actions with regard to my situation was to carry this pregnancy to term if it was socially acceptable or not. No person or court is given the right to impose its belief of a government all, if a law is not broken. For some irrational thought process one-dimensional, our society so eagerly meets, I was labeled as immoral (by the court) years later. I have not done anything that everyone else is not doing. Hello, people have sex. Some get pregnant, sometimes not. It is women who become pregnant who are disadvantaged. Think about it … when you have a big balloon belly, evidence that you engaged in sexual activities is simple and clear. If you are in a method effective contraception, no one thinks about it. For a man, there is no visual indication of who is participating in sexual activities. It is only the pregnant woman that supports the "immoral" label. Because she is pregnant and unmarried, she must be promiscuous. That, unfortunately, is the punishment our society has placed and the system in women.
By the time our daughter was 18 months old, my friendship with her father was in the process of recovery, and for the next 7 years I considered a best friend. I put a lot of thought in the life of my son would be without their parents to get along and be supportive of each other. With all my strength selfish, I did not want to bite the bullet, but for me I was not me. Quit drugs, and even stopped smoking. The court observed paternity through DNA tests (ordered by the court to begin collecting child support and recover hospital costs initially paid by Medicaid). It was not until I was 2 years started paying child support, and their pay is closer to $ 3,000.00.
A previous occurrence was in court when our daughter was 5 months old, he would lie under oath for the first time saying that he gave his daughter financially, and saw her regularly. He requested a motion that prevents me from leaving Michigan's daughter that he was denied his. At this time paternity was not established, nor a court order for visitation and / or support entered. This did not happen until she was 14 months old. The judge ruled in favor of the father and I was not to move our son's residence outside the state of Michigan.
Over the next Eight years, life continued. My family was complete, I found my life partner, I ran my own successful company, and subscribe to a program intensive leadership development. I coordinated and hosted charity benefits for our children from abuse and neglect local Council, met regularly with the mentor and the superintendent of my kids school district and principals on issues such as leadership and parenting, and was invited to be a guest speaker for career day. I am very involved in my children's education and to provide volunteers in their schools. Every week I meet with them individually on your lunch hour. These are our special "dates."
I do not mean to sound my own horn. I just want to measure my participation. While this is only a educational point of view, the level of participation is transferred to all facets of their lives.
Here is where my life turned a corner:
I received notification on June 25, 2008 that the noncustodial parent asked the court for a custody change. In Michigan, there are 12 elements considered in determining the best interests of the child. " Basically it's a game …. who receives the most points wins.
I was completely blind-sided. There were about a request to me requesting a change of custody due to abuse and lack of financial resources. I can not even begin to express my shock and disbelief in this regard. Here was an erroneous testimony alleging that I physically abused my daughter often cursed her, screaming uncontrollably and was unable to financially support extracurricular activities as gymnastics for her.
I was scratching their heads, wondering if it was a cruel joke.
In April 2008 for the first time since support was entered, I have asked the court to consider a review of child support. Because the father lives in Indiana, this complicates the orders with respect to child support. Do not pay what are the rules for Michigan, but my daughter and I lived in Michigan. He paid according to the formulas of Indiana, which are significantly lower. Our son was a baby, and the daily maintenance cost has increased over the past seven years.
Got a call from him days Then I face about how to apply the patch. When I told him, in effect, I applied for a review, changed everything. Our friendship turned a corner and return the money came in the form of a change in motion arrested on June 25, 2008.
An order for mediation has been provided. This is a "service" provided in the framework of the Friend of the Court. The mediator is not bound by the rules of family law and is absolved of any claims that might arise from their recommendations …. good, bad or indifferent. In other words, if the mediator is incompetent (to put it nicely), you can file a complaint against him as a result. They are untouchable. What appropriate.
Of the 12 factors in a truthful and transparent world, I would support only 8 of factors and also be responsible for share of the four factors. The only way it would be possible for us to share the four factors were the direct result of my conviction that my daughter and her father would have to spend more time together what the court was ordering. A normal parent, child bond would have been impossible with a weekend a month (which was a court order).
Unfortunately, this is not a truthful and transparent world. It is a world full of sadness selfish inadvertently biting people (and many of them are in politics).
My thoughts are in mediation, was that she (the mediator) instantly see that the testimony of the plaintiffs was preposterous. He was confident that the mediator could be smart, have an eye and ear for inconsistencies, and might be able to accurately decipher between truth and falsehood.
Moreover, because it is a part of my way of communicating, I never thought twice about using metaphors, analogies, or directives. intelligent discussion about the facts regarding my relationship with my daughter and her father were unsuccessful in their entirety in the written recommendation prepared by the mediator.
An example of one of the countless pieces seriously biased the conversation is as follows:
I was sharing with the conciliator how out of my four children, each has very different personalities …. same father …. Four different personalities. I took this analogy that I will share the leadership of a motivational speaker. The speaker gave this talk was entitled "Buffalo and butterflies ". I told the mediator," I have four children. Best be described as follows: 2 butterflies …. happy, bouncy, and swinging. I have a mosquito …. this little guy is always attached to me, either in the hip or in my lap. So, I have my buffalo. She has a strong will, it is difficult to move once his decision is made, and sometimes just stubborn. "
What I said and the context in which I said that was not transmitted in the same way in the recommendation. The mediator writes this in the final recommendation: "This mother refers to her son as a bull!"
That's it. Would you say that accurately conveyed my statement?
Here's another account:
I asked why I might object to my daughter who lives with his father. Because there only one answer to this question, one reason was: "My daughter is a bright child. She is receiving their education in a the best schools in the state. Children are tested in school and is a school dedicated to the creative arts and academic giftedness. My daughter is surrounded every day for cultural diversity and higher education. These children are able to attend any university in the country. My daughter has the potential to be a brain surgeon. The Amish community lives his father in the percentage of people completing primary school are numbered. If they graduate, go to work in local factories trailer farms or grocery stores. My daughter can be much more than that. His father, grandfather and great grandfather all worked for the family excavation business. Your education here will help your job for a life more successful than he had.
This is what I wrote the mediator's recommendation: "The reason why mother for not wanting his son to live in Indiana is because she said her daughter will grow up to be nothing more than an employee of the grocery store if you live with your dad. "He out all the other reasons I gave, as she has three younger siblings in the house …. How could you change your life and not have your sister with them?
Here's another:
In an attempt to defend myself from accusations hurtful and false premiscuity, shared with the mediator I've only had a handful of relationships, each were very significant. I said that at least I knew the names of people who shared my bed, while my daughter's father did not. He lost his virginity in a different country while in a drunken stupor. He did not know the girl … not even his name. After the birth of our daughter, who frequented the gentlemen's clubs "and paid for sexual pleasures.
This is how the mediator written in his recommendation: "The girl's mother said she knew the names of the men she establishes with." Nothing more was written about this conversation. This bit of conversation was placed on the recommendation under the moral fitness factor of the parents. He was aided in this factor. Also, while in court the parent's attorney, asked: "I told the mediator that he knew the names of men who register with?". Then he gave that laugh accomplice and is used little intention of intimidating body language. Still makes my skin crawl to this day. I said, "Yes, "….. but then stopped and said: "It been a yes or know answer. "I was not allowed to finish.
More … many, many more accounts of the poor note and inaccurate taking. Most of my testimony was not reflected in the final recommendation. It is my belief that the mediator had formed his mind a few minutes of our introduction.
Rewind to the first day of the interview: I was not prepared for the 4-hour bash-fest was about to embark on when I entered the office mediators, along with my daughters father. I thought the mediator systematically discuss each factor with us and allow us each in turn to share our side. That's not what happened. As soon as a clarification to the protocol and began mocking. This man had been well rehearsed by his lawyer on what to say and when to say it. I instead it was not. My lawyer advised me to be honest and transparent.
What became clear almost immediately that he had been practicing his words. He also knew exactly everything that the mediator was going to ask. As a matter of fact, everything he said before he was asked, in the whole line. He came up for air after 4 hours.
All I could manage was frequent protests. I could not get a word in song, or give me a chance. He was attacking the guilt and resentment, from which nothing had a grain of truth. The mediator wrote down everything he was saying, and it carried over to the final recommendation. She did not and could not verify claiming nothing, because none of it was truth.
My thoughts were, literally, turning in my head. Where does it come? How it occurred with him? Wait, some of these features are its not mine, but he guilt? This should be a very bad dream! He exhibited courage pages and pages of garbage wrong bull, and now, all that was left with was the hope that this mediator would see through it.
Because they were not even close to finishing the interview / interrogation, was scheduled again …. This time, entered separately. I was much more comfortable with that. When I sat down with the mediator, who had to pass each factor with me. The interview lasted about 1 1 / 2 hours and during that time, said Some notes are only a handful of times. That alarmed me.
When my ex was interviewed alone, given the opportunity to pull the most terrible accusations about me magic out of her purse. This time, my protests.
I'll tell you my feelings about him, pulled a quick U-turn. This is a person who praised me as an individual and as a parent in the last seven years, a person who calls me almost daily just to chat, a person who drove me to open my heart again until as a friend and I opened his home to the weekend came to pick up our daughter, but the roads were too bad to travel, a person who called me to his best friend.
I realized that he was a person who was a front all those years, planning all along to make this move, or was the relationship and commitment scares was in that gave rise to this. It's really something to witness … that is selfishness. We all do, but for some, going through a kind of metamorphosis. When you gives wings selfishness, which can and will go anywhere. Anything is plowing and everything that gets in their way and not look back, because it does not have a conscience.
I knew on the basis of the final recommendation which continued for a private meeting to launch a few more details out there fictitious for registration.
In the end, the noncustodial parent is in favor of the 12 factors. The Friend of the Court Mediator for me no one. His testimony became evidence "hard" necessary to obtain sole physical custody.
During the final hearing, my lawyer criticized holes through the testimony of the complainant was devalued the mediator's recommendation by witnesses and documentation drive. The principal and teachers were witnesses, my husband and my mother. My lawyer said a inconsistency after another. Went through each factor, line by line and anyone with a brain size of a pea even concluded that the complaints were tests, some were even with silly humor, and the recommendation made by the friend of the court was empty and test mediator has been developed exclusively hearsay one side.
I lost custody of my daughter that day. My children lost their sister. The same leniency and generosity offered to his father all those years was not given to me (with every other weekend visits, extended summer breaks, and the distribution of all school holidays). The judge was very close to the revocation of my legal rights and joint custody verbalized this in the last seconds of his trial.
It has been 10 months since lost custody. Our lives have changed so much, and so did my daughters. Everything only his father favored by the mediator or never existed or existed only a moment, enough to get on the record. I was granted one weekend a month. I am responsible to lead Indiana to look for that on Friday and arrived home at 8 pm. We have all day Saturday to reconnect, and then moved away from Sunday afternoon. I do not see it at all for the rest of 2009 holidays, or the first half of 2010 holidays. We live 156 miles away, and Michigan, where the parties live more than 150 miles away, so that default only granted one visit per month (over a weekend). While the judge knew that he will have every other weekend visitation with our daughter, did not feel compelled or goodness to do the same.
She is being raised by her single father whose engagement was canceled shortly after the arrest has changed. Their relationship broke down completely and his girlfriend and their infant son moved. My daughter who is now 10 does not have a maternal influence on a daily basis, only 1 1 / 2 days per month. No one to sit down and talk with "things" girl, do not Mumma to play with your hair, or put in their snug-as-a bug – in-one on the carpet night, Mumma not have "spa nights" with (this is when we all candy and make our beauty makeovers and pedicures). The daughters need their mother. Forty and eight hours per month is unreasonable and fail to embrace a mother / daughter. It is not even nearly enough time!
If I had to do it all again, not change anything ….. though I would have brought a voice recorder to interview mediation. There is state law that requires that the testimony be recorded in the mediation his voice.
I have learned a lesson that perhaps has hardened me, but has also been a big eye-opener:
Transparency, truth and integrity not always prevail. Sometimes you need to be dirty and cunning to reach the top. For me, I've missed something …. irreplaceable and precious, but did not lose my integrity.
Nothing has been reviewing the application for child support in late April 2008 that led to his transfer to custody in June 2008. When I contacted the division child support in Indiana on numerous occasions before losing custody, told me that they have not reviewed the case yet. I called the right until the day I lost my daughter. After the change of custody was ordered, I received a letter from your office indicating that the custody has changed, there would be no need for revision.
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